Say Goodbye to Justifying Your Feedback.
When preparing to give feedback, it’s useful to map out a plan.
Including: when to stop talking.
Do you find yourself ‘justifying’ your feedback?
Plenty of leaders accidentally over-engineer feedback conversations.
Out of respect for the other person, they worry about how to say it ‘nicely’, so never get around to giving the actual feedback.
The impact is, that in noticing something troubling and not saying something, it keeps the team member unaware, underperforming.
All while the leader builds up resentment. So when it does come out, it comes out as a blast and the leader needs to recover from being so assertive.
Can you relate?
There’s another way, and it includes way less talking (and thinking).
It’s as straightforward as thinking, ‘what could 1-2 sentences look like?’
If you know you have to give feedback but what to actually say is unclear….
Consider that your ‘feedback bit’ only needs two sentences. In my workshops on feedback, I suggest these are:
Your observation e.g. “Are you aware you roll your eyes when I speak?”
The flown on effect e.g. “When you roll your eyes, it gives me the impression you’re not interested.”
Then … you stop talking.
You stop talking so you can have a two-way conversation.
Here’s what you noticed. Here’s the impact. Then, hand the mic: what’s their take?
Relieve the burden to construct the perfect feedback ‘script’.
Many leaders avoid having a two-way conversation, fearing they’ll lose control or an outcome.
In reality, it derails your conversation, because the other person either stays passive (and continues underperforming), while you justify it. Or, they get defensive, leading you to wonder if anything went in.
Before any feedback chat, challenge yourself to answer two questions:
What is it that I’m noticing?
What's the flow-on effect and who or what is it impacting?
Can you answer those two questions real quick?
Consider that not justifying the feedback also makes it easier to digest.
For example, you might ask yourself:
Independently of fondness you have for your team member, what is the flow on effect of what you’re noticing?
Context of feedback aside: what do you need to happen, or not happen again?
All you’re doing when you give feedback, is shining a light on what you’re noticing.
You’re narrating a little bit. Here’s what you saw. Here’s the flow on effect, from your perspective.
Sure, you have to make a decision about what you will or won't do if things change, but that comes later, once they’ve had a chance to actually give it a go with the insights that you’ve shared.
What that person does with that suggestion has a direct influence on their career.
And, it’s their career not yours, right? So, what could narrating look like in your next chat?
To stop talking, try considering a cue for yourself.
You’re looking for a ‘stop justifying what you just said’ button. When you continue to talk, you’re wanting to soften the blow. The impact is that the message you’re attempting to share can become diluted.
Examples of prompters to encourage you to stop talking to have a two way discussion:
“What’s your take?”
“I have no idea how to do X, I’ll stop to hear your perspective.”
“I don’t have an answer, but can we agree, it’s something to think about?”
Do you want to babysit … or do you want to lead?
When you make problems go away, and justify feedback, you babysit your team. They stay under utilised, because there’s always someone to save the day, right?
Instead, if you share the burden of solving the problem by presenting what you’re noticing and the impact, you create space. (You’re effectively presenting a problem statement).
Then, when you add silence (you stop talking), the other person is prompted to participate. Why? You’ve just shared an observation. What do they think? Invite them into problem solving by making room.
Make room, by forcing yourself to stop after your 1-2 sentences.
It’s not your job to project manage the conversation (or their feelings).
Sure, you need a result, or behaviour needs to change. But consider when you continue to talk, you’re doing so for your benefit: because silence doesn’t feel very good for you.
That’s the sound of accountability brewing, baby. Sweet sweet silence is the precursor to participation in any conversation.
It’s their career, remember. Not yours. Your job is to protect the standard, by alerting them to anything that could get in the way of it.
Center the problem and clarify what would happen if the problem didn’t get fixed.
What would the impact be to you, your team, to stakeholders, to their reputation, their career prospects? And, what do they wanna do about that?
It’s their career, remember. Not yours. Your job is to protect the standard, by alerting them to anything that could get in the way of it.
Yes, you’re the boss. But the problem is kind of neutral.
To reduce single person reliance (you fixing), or single point of failure (you burning out) it’s about giving people the opportunity to solve problems. It doesn’t default on you to ‘fix’. It defaults on you to share the impact with the person who can fix it most.
To grow, you need to be given problems to solve. Try sharing an observation and impact. Then ask: what do they want to do about that? If they can’t do anything about that, what does that then mean?
Do you have people pleasing leaders who struggle to give feedback?
These ideas radically change leaders' experience with feedback. They get guidance and encouragement to be assertive in a way that feels comfortable. They quit over burdening themselves and getting resentful. They start to become more assertive, less tolerant of low performance and because they can now give feedback, are actually freed up to do their best work.
Is it time to give them the tools? Bring this training to your workplace, today.
Employees perform 3.6x better when they get regular feedback, yet nearly half of leaders avoid giving feedback. This simple framework (observation, impact, then: stop talking), changes those statistics in your workplace.
“I usually default to whatever my team member wants and I feel resentful. Instead, by practicing being silent, I felt relief as they started to talk about options.”