Creating Positive Relationships.
Positive intent is key.
watch a summary
What makes a lasting working relationship?
A foundation of positive intent.
When someone makes it explicit they want the best for you, you’re more likely to trust them. In order to trust them, you need to see evidence of sound judgement (that they behave in a reasonable way at work) and expertise (that they are competent).
When you see that behaviour consistently, you’re more likely to trust them.
The trust equation.
In a study of 87,000 leaders it was found that those with the following were seen as more trustworthy:
Positive relationships
Sound judgement/expertise.
Consistency
Why?
A foundation of positive intent communicates you’re on someone else's team. You relax when you know someone wants the best for you.
Evidence of someone knowing how to behave appropriately reminds you in safe hands. You trust their perspective as a result.
When someone is consistent in their behaviour you know what to expect. You trust that person is a reliable person to be around. As a result, you relax.
Managing your emotional consistency is key.
To enjoy healthy relationships, you need to be emotionally consistent with others.
A study found people would rather have a consistently average boss than an inconsistent one in a different mood every day.
This is because we regulate ourselves based on how others behave. We feel safer when people are consistent. Our nervous system knows what to expect and can spend less energy scanning the environment for threats, and more energy relaxing and expressing ourselves.
How to manage your emotions?
To enjoy healthy relationships, you need a productive way to manage stress. Stress is a natural part of work and you need a framework to process it usefully.
We use the traffic light framework. In the green, you feel good. In the yellow, on the edge of your patience and competence. In the red, overwhelmed.
When you spend too much time in the red, you risk the health of your relationships as others need to regulate themselves around your emotions.
To get out red and yellow, create a circuit breaker for yourself. A circuit breaker is any action that gives you a biological, psychological or physiological ‘reset’ button.
Examples include removing yourself from the situation, deep breathing, taking a walk or starting again the next day.
Learn more about the traffic light system and how to create your own circuit breakers.
Miscommunications happen in the best of relationships.
The healthiest working relationships can have honest conversations when things go wrong.
Often people avoid conversations out of a sincere fear of damaging the relationship.
The irony is not having an honest conversation erodes trust in the relationship.
Instead of being daunted by a miscommunication, consider it as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.
To cast a vote for a stronger relationship based on learning more about the other person.
At Happiness Concierge, we suggest trying the Feed Forward Framework. Instead of seeing it as confronting, approach it with sharing your observation and the impact of what you’re noticing. Then, stop talking and hand them the mic to learn about how they see things.
What you hear will help you learn more about them and visa versa.
Recap: positive relationship essentials.
To enjoy positive relationships, you need a foundation of positive intent, sound judgement/expertise, and consistency.
To exercise sound judgement, you need to be able to address miscommunications. Use the feed forward framework to figure out how to have that conversation.
To be more consistent, you need to manage your stress. Use the traffic light framework to figure out what ‘zone’ you’re in at work. Create a circuit breaker to help you between zones.
To show positive intent, it pays to be explicit. Can you make it clear that you want a positive working relationship? Can you be explicit about the impact of the relationship you have with others? What could be the flow on effect of letting someone know how valuable they are?
In our Giving & Receiving Feedback Programme, we teach these lessons.
We cover how to open a feedback conversation, manage defensiveness, and land on an agreement.
The result is that people have more productive feedback conversations.
What could your leaders and individual contributors achieve at work if they got regular, empowering feedback?
Giving & Receiving Feedback Programme.
For leaders and individual contributors.