Owning Perfectionism.
Perfectionism is a superpower.
Perfectionism makes you unique and brilliant. When we pair perfectionism with compassion, we see unbelievable results.
We believe perfectionism is a superpower.
When channelled towards productive pursuits, perfectionists can take incredible action!
While perfectionism can be a driver of excellence, it can also be an inhibitor if not channelled towards taking small steps of positive action. There is no magic pill you can take to not be a perfectionist, and we wouldn’t want you to minimise what makes you unique and brilliant.
So, if you’re finding it tricky taking positive action at work, here are a number of ways you can put your passion for excellence to good use to use your superpower for your own happiness.
How does perfectionism work?
In the world of perfectionism, there are two types: adaptive and maladaptive. Both adaptive and maladaptive perfectionists share the desire for high standards and the pursuit of excellence.
Adaptive perfectionists are aware of their strengths and have a pragmatic relationship with their weaknesses. They are more readily able to adapt to things not going to plan. They are able to say ‘something is better than nothing’ when they don’t meet their own expectations.
Maladaptive perfectionists experience high stress when the standards they set for themselves, and others standards, are not met. Rather than adapting their expectations, small hiccups or alterations to plans can cause them great distress and frustration. Maladaptive perfectionists also avoid taking action, preferring to remind themselves of what could go wrong. If you want to throw in the towel if something is not ‘perfect’ or ‘right’ the first time, you might be experiencing symptoms of maladaptive perfectionism.
Fun fact: studies have discovered a link between maladaptive perfectionism and burnout. In one analysis of multiple studies on the topic, it was discovered athletes, students and employees who demonstrated signs of maladaptive perfectionism experienced more burnout.
Many perfectionists typically want to know how not to fail before they begin. Perfectionists can also have a tough time growing in the presence of others, preferring to fail privately in the safety of a ‘judgement free’ zone, limiting likelihood of forming genuine connections with peers, as bonding through shared adversity is one of the ways we connect with others.
Developing a self-compassion practice helps you work with your inner perfectionist.
The commonality all perfectionists share is self-criticism. The difference between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionist thought is how they manage this self-talk and use this thought process to mentally manage experiences as a result. In other words, we can use our perfectionism, if we adapt it to the environment.
Studies have shown that self-compassion bridges the gap and moves into constructive thoughts and actions. Developing a reflective practice of checking in with yourself, regularly, and replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, over time, slowly rewires your thought patterns to default to accepting and compassionate thinking.
The art of the reframe.
From our experience working with thousands of clients, we know it’s possible to reframe seeking perfection to seeking progress. Psychologists have found positive reframing to be the link between healthy perfectionism and perfectionism that stops you from taking helpful action.
You can do this by creating a safe space in your daily thoughts. One way to do this is to replace thinking about what you could lose with what you could gain. This doesn’t undermine your valid concerns, it simply positively reframes your thoughts from a worse case scenario, to a best case scenario, to give you a wider scope of focus (as opposed to a purely negative view).
Reflecting on what you could gain ahead of a new scenario helps people gain greater confidence in the benefit of taking small actions. Moving away from self-judgement and moving forwards curiosity provides a helpful frame for thinking.
Below are common examples:
Before (judgement)
‘I hate public speaking.’
‘I’m nervous about what my boss will think.’
‘It’s not perfect.’
‘I won’t know anything.’
‘Of course I’d muck it up.’
‘You’re stupid.’
After (curiosity)
‘I’m trying something outside my comfort zone.’
‘I wonder what feedback will help me improve.’
‘It’s a start which is better than nothing.’
‘I don’t know what I don’t know.’
‘I’m going to reflect on what I could do differently next time.’
‘I have to start somewhere.’
You can cultivate empowerment in your daily life, every day, by talking to yourself from a place of compassion, just as you would expect a trusted friend or loved one to speak to you, or you to someone you love and care about deeply.
Creating your own version of success.
Another way you can manage your inner perfectionist to drive you forward is to make it safe to extend yourself through small, low risk steps.
Identifying ways to celebrate ‘small wins’ can contribute to confidence, resilience and improve your ability to ask for help to manage nuanced scenarios. Researchers refer to this as the progress principle: the idea that if we feel we are making progress towards our goals, or some form of progression, we have a greater experience of satisfaction.
We have discovered in our work that defining our own version of success helps us also refine our personal definition of failure. For example, instead of telling yourself that X wasn’t done to perfection, cast a look at your own ‘what my version of success and thereby failure looks like’ list.
With that lens, we can then review and constructively query our thoughts in a technique called the ‘healthy challenge.’ Does failure really look like what you’re experiencing? Or does it simply mean not trying? The point is, with clarity on your own version of success, you get to decide.
Learn more about creating your personal version of success in There Has To Be More.
Perfectionists can win when they focus on what they can gain.
Loss aversion is the theory that we are most motivated to act by what we could lose, instead of what we could gain. By focussing on what you have to gain, rather than lose, surrounding yourself with a positive support team, you can reframe self-criticism into a compassionate cheerleader, as outlined in managing your inner critic.
We don’t abolish negative thoughts: instead, we replace them. We never ‘rid’ ourselves of our inner critic, or pursuit for ‘the best’ or ‘most perfect’. Rather, we build new thought processes to manage these thoughts when they arise.
It’s been said the pursuit for perfection, or a perfect life, is not the pursuit for the best in ourselves, but for the worst in ourselves. When we take ownership over what makes us unique, celebrate our inner perfectionist for having high standards and coupling that with compassionate, positive self-talk, we know we can take amazing action and achieve our goals.