Manage An Inner Critic.

We never ‘rid’ ourselves of our inner critic.

Instead, we can practice on turning down the volume of the negative thoughts and over time, turning up positive ones.

How do you counter negative talk when it’s you who’s doing the talking?

By focussing on what you have to gain, rather than lose, and surrounding yourself with a positive support team, you can reframe self-criticism into a compassionate cheerleader.

Where does it come from?

Self criticism is a learned behaviour from our environment. If people in our network also have a negative mindset, we are more likely to be influenced. If we’ve been raised around negativity, it can take some work to untangle our ‘autopilot’ thoughts from judgement - where learning goes to die - and into curiosity, where learning thrives.

The combined effects of our upbringing, the people we surround ourselves with, plus Tall Poppy Syndrome (the idea that we criticise those who achieve outstanding success), mean we see success as something to downplay to ensure our social survival needs are met. 

In some circles, this is also referred to as ‘Impostor Syndrome’.

Impostor syndrome is a theory that, despite evidence to the contrary, you find yourself convinced that you don’t know what you’re doing, that you’re about to be exposed as a ‘fraud’ and don’t deserve success or accolades. As a result, you may dismiss any proof of success as ‘luck’, ‘good timing’, or a result of tricking others into thinking you’re better than you really are.

The voice of an inner critic or feelings of Impostor Syndrome often shows up when your self belief is tested or extended into new territories. Why? You’re stepping outside of your comfort zone, and into your learning zone. And that’s where the sneaky bugger gets in and really finds its groove. The good news is that there are a number of techniques you can use to counter an inner critic.

It might help to know that Academy Award winning actress Viola Davis; Author and former First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama; and billionaire and CEO Mike Cannon-Brookes have all shared at points in their career, they’ve all felt the symptoms of Impostor Syndrome.

Tools to tame the inner critic.

We don’t abolish negative thoughts: instead, we replace them. We never ‘rid’ ourselves of our inner critic. Rather, we build new thought processes to manage the thoughts when they arise. 

Here are 5 ways to overcome negative self talk:

SELF COMPASSION

Negative self talk thrives on perceived failures.

Research suggests that self-compassion encourages us to use a growth mindset. To show compassion to others, you must first start with yourself. Someone who is deserving of success, on your own terms. To support this, create a practice of compassion to yourself through a reflective practice. 

ACHIEVEMENT AUDIT

Writing down your achievements, reviewing them and sharing them with those who want your success can help quieten your inner critic.

This is validation based in fact, not thought. The data of achievements call on us to utilise the ‘progress principle’, experiencing satisfaction for advancements, big or small. Articulate your achievements by stepping through the Confidence Equation.

POSITIVE REFRAMING

A Harvard Business Review study found people who reframed ‘I’m nervous’ to ‘I’m excited’ performed better at maths tests, public speaking and even karaoke.

Why?

Anxiety and excitement are both states of arousal, and reframing a fear into an action helps to take positive action. Create a practice of actively asking yourself what the inverse of a negative statement could be. For example, instead of ‘I’m crap at this’, try, ‘I’m trying something new and I’m slowly getting better each day.’

VALIDATION FROM PEOPLE YOU RESPECT

Validation from people who want us to succeed is one of the quickest ways to remove roadblocks as we grow.

Creating a network of people who want to support you, teach you, help you learn and want your success will enable you to voice any thoughts and have those validated by supporters who want to help you grow. Ensure that anyone you allow into your network has a positive mindset, or, is aware that you’re working on having a positive outlook and that you’d love their support helping you focus on having more to life, not less.

NURTURE A POSITIVE NETWORK

The inner critic thrives on feedback from those who do not want us to be successful.

So, when we go to peers or colleagues to get feedback, we can find our confidence taking a big dip if their feedback is cruel, lacks thought, or is even useful. One way we can overcome this is to seek validation from those we respect; who want us to succeed. Be sure to seek feedback and advice from people who have done what you are looking to achieve, or you have respect for, as opposed to those who simply have an opinion or share proximity with you. People can be very helpful when you pose a question in a way that demonstrates respect and a willingness to learn. 

Giving yourself consistent positive self talk is absolutely within your control and part of your responsibility of showing up at work, to create a different reality for your future.