Creating A Reflection Practice
Reflecting helps us learn.
When we reflect, we create space between our identity and our actions. From this place we can celebrate and learn.
We have a saying at Happiness Concierge: you can’t give someone else game changing feedback unless you know how to action feedback you’ve been given yourself.
When you know how to source data to drive your performance forward - and you take action on it and see the impact as a result - you have a greater appreciation for what information helps someone step forward. When we learn how to source, and then action, feedback on our own terms, we become more confident, kinder and compassionate communicators, who are ‘walking the talk’ with our own practice.
So what’s the golden ticket? The pathway for giving yourself feedback is a tool called reflection.
What is reflection?
Reflection is the skill of being able to analyse oneself. When we can view our own mental and emotional state, and identify the path to our subsequent thoughts and actions, we have a greater understanding ourselves and thereby, more likely to take action that serves us. When we give ourselves feedback, compassionately, privately, in our own time, we can start to see what makes us tick, what drives us and where any gaps in our knowledge might be.
Instead of waiting for feedback, we can take the lead by asking for guidance on how to grow in our roles and confidence. When we have a dialogue with ourselves, we can tune into what we need to succeed. From there, only amazing conversations can happen.
Why reflection works.
Reflection creates distance between you and an experience. When we reflect, we’re evaluating how we think, and therefore, feel about a situation. When we analyse our thought process, we can understand why we feel a certain way, why we behaved a certain way or why we witnessed a certain outcome.
Studies have shown that analysing a scenario creates distance and thereby minimises perceived difficulty. Research also shows ‘information retrieval’, such as teaching and reflection, minimises the ‘forgetting curve’ (what we all experience after learning something new!).
It helps us see our behaviour, thoughts or actions independent of our identity, or self worth. Separating our behaviour from our identity enables us to see our actions as separate from ourselves, and thereby more easily to edit.
From a place of awareness - and separation of self from actions - we can choose what to think, and therefore feel and act, in the future. When we understand how we work, we can manage our emotions and influence our results more accurately in future.
How does reflection benefit our work?
Reflection is the path to creating self awareness. When we pair self awareness with self discipline, we grow. When we know how we tick, we increase our emotional regulation, essential for functional team work.
Reflection helps us get clear on what’s important to us, what’s real and what’s just office drama. When you’re clear on what you know for sure, what you don’t know (yet), and what you’re keen to learn more about, you then have the clarity to seek feedback on your work. And when you’re clear, you know what advice, support or mentorship to ask for (as opposed to welcoming a word salad from anyone with an opinion!).
As another benefit, if you’re not sure on what you’re keen to develop in, this practice enables you to tune into what’s working well and what elements of your work you can ask for feedback on.
Reflection also helps us to see things from multiple perspectives. We are more likely to seek and action feedback as we have a dialogue with ourselves. As a result? We become more ‘coachable’ and promotable, because we already have a practice in place. This lowers the ‘ego’ that can show up in the workplace (we all have one!) and increases humility.
And humility is where we learn. When we’re open to learning, we can take on feedback. When we can do that - watch out, world! We become unstoppable and there’s nothing we can’t accomplish.
Creating your own reflection practice.
The framework for creating your own reflective practice is framed around three questions:
What do you want to affirm in your career / work?
Focussing on what you want to celebrate helps us feel a sense of progress. Research has discovered feeling a sense of progress each day has a direct correlation to satisfaction in our work. When we document what has worked well, we are capturing our achievements and this develops our confidence. Reminding ourselves of what we have achieved also lowers overwhelm, too.
What do you want to develop?
As the saying goes, specific questions get specific answers. Focusing on one skill we’re keen to develop helps us ask nuanced questions. Examples could include communicating confidently, leading a team, or writing updates.
What do you need to ‘close the loop’?
Ensuring we ‘wrap a bow’ in our reflection, from a place that allows us to reflect (and not ruminate, which is the practice of overthinking or unhelpfully ‘thought stacking’ negative thoughts), enables us to switch ‘off’ at the end of the day, or week. Research has discovered, thinking about what will enable you to tie a bow around your achievements, from a place of kindness, acceptance and compassion, enables you to lower your inner critic and step into a place of achievement and fulfilment.
At first, it can feel a little like trying to tickle yourself - it’s almost impossible to see yourself how others see you! But over time, you’ll see patterns and clues and be able to see your actions as seperate to your belief system.
There’s also a common misconception that reflection is about sitting around criticising yourself. Effective reflection, research has discovered, is centred around the idea of positive affirmation. Positive affirmation fortifies our sense of self. Educators have discovered that when our sense of self is strong, we can consider different perspectives as our integrity is ‘safe’. (Which is why when we hear feedback we’re not ready for we can feel unsafe at work).
5 guiding principles:
There is no ‘wrong’ way to reflect.
Permission to start small! Start small with two or three questions to guide your practice first.
Make it kind. Ensuring you focus on the positives and get curious about what you want to learn more about helps keep it focussed on positive progression, as opposed to a cycle of self critique and self loathing. When we focus on taking positive action, we focus our attention on helpful thoughts.
Do it when suits you. For example, many of us do this at night when we’re brushing our teeth and others journal their thoughts weekly.
Focus your practice on what you’re interested in understanding more about. Permission to let go of what you are not interested in understanding.
Let’s look at an example.
Seeking affirmation of what worked well:
‘What was the highlight?’
‘What did I learn today?’
‘What went well today?’
‘What did I achieve today / this week?’
‘What am I proud of?’
‘When did I feel like ‘me’ today?’
Identifying areas to develop:
‘What would I do differently?’
‘What surprised me about myself today?’
‘If I could do today again, what might I do differently?’
‘What do I want to understand more about?’
Closing the loop:
‘What am I proud of?’
‘What can I do to close the day off?’
‘Who can I talk to this week to understand?’
‘What can I do now, to feel accomplished?’
Applying your reflections to growing in your career.
Here’s the truly neat thing. This is a brilliant technique when preparing for a performance review, showcasing achievements, and indeed having a challenging conversation. It’s also great for misunderstandings too - as you have a clear understanding of how you experienced a scenario and what you need to progress.
Here are a few examples:
Share accomplishments in performance review.
Share learnings with your colleagues.
Suggest improvements with greater perspective.
Download with your partner / friends.
Share reflection in a feedback conversation.
Come back to a conversation with greater clarity.
Use to open an apology or tricky conversation.