Growing Your Confidence.

Confidence isn’t a personality trait.

It’s a skill you can improve on, any stage of your life.

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Wouldn’t it be neat if we felt confident all the time?

While we can’t promise that’ll always be the case, there is a foolproof way to build your confidence.

Confidence isn’t a personality trait. It’s a skill that can be built, and improved upon all the time. Our Confidence Equation is a formula for working on your confidence, no matter what.

The Confidence Equation.

When we actively work on our internal sense of self, we are creating the foundation for showing up authentically, owning what we want and taking ownership at work. A strong sense of self can achieve anything in life and that’s where we start in so many of our training workshops.

When we go through a time of change, or prepare for moments of growth, our confidence takes a knock. Why? Our hard wired craving for certainty means we are more likely to question what we know for sure, and as a result, we need to proactively seek evidence, validation and actively work on the relationship with ourself: our self belief.

When we have evidence of our success our confidence skyrockets. When we have genuine feedback from people we admire, respect or whom are doing what we’d love to one day, we feel validated. When we have clarity on what we want, that we deserve what we want and the belief we have the capability to get there, our confidence solidifies. These three pillars, together, create authentic confidence.

Any time your confidence experiences a pause or a dip, check in with yourself and ask which of the three categories could go with a top up. 

Creating evidence for your equation.

What evidence can you collate that showcases recent examples of your success? Examples might include completing small or large achievements meaningful to you, data from your boss on what they find valuable, getting through a pandemic, the results of a successful campaign at work, retention rates on keeping your team happy during a challenging time, or perhaps even a percentage increase in revenue. 

Completing an Achievement Audit is one way you can reflect on your accomplishments. Reflecting on what you have achieved in the last 12 months will astonish you. Here are helpful prompters we use in our Confident Communication training:

• What are you proud of completing, continuing on with, finishing, moving towards or away from, from the last 12 months? What achievements might you be able to capture? 

• What was the result? Was there an impact? 

• What did you learn as a result? What did it reveal?

It’s also helpful come performance review time (hello: list of accomplishments!) or to share with people you love to practice saying those amazing accomplishments out loud and letting it reverberate in the world that your confidence is not solely a product of your imagination. 

Another benefit? When it comes to crafting or updating your elevator pitch, you’ve got meaningful achievements ready to go. 

Sourcing meaningful validation.

Why is it that we are more likely to seek validation from people who are in proximity to us, over those we have a respectful relationship with or admire from afar? 

When we consciously source validation from people whom we respect, admire or whom are doing what we’d love to do one day, we’re so much more likely to take their words to heart. We all want to feel valued, seen and validated, and when someone we admire or respect validates our thinking on a topic, or confirms what we know is on the right track, it really puts us on a solid footing. We’re so much more likely to believe what they say as opposed to when we seek feedback from those we’re not as in congruence with.

Here are thought starters on people you can source validation from:

• Ask for a piece of feedback from someone you admire.

• Ask a stakeholder what they most value when working with you.

• Email your network and ask for one thing they think you do really well.

• Source a piece of feedback from a stakeholder you respect or whom holds influence in your organisation. What specifically do you do that helps them achieve their goals? What to they most value from your work and team?

As you reach out for validation, or cast your mind back to previous feedback, this handy checklist can provide helpful framing:

• Has this person done what I want to do one day?

• Is this person on my team?

• Is this person capable of hearing me without casting their own doubts, negativity or insecurities?

• Has this person experienced me at my best self?

Seeking validation can also be part of your daily habit when seeking feedback from those you work with or socialise with. For example, after a great interaction with a client or a friend, you can ask any of these questions: ‘Reflecting on our work history, what are two things you have found I do well that add value?’ ‘I’d love some feedback on how you’ve found this process. What has worked well for you?’ ‘As my friend, what would you say are my three top strengths?’

Building self belief.

Actively working on your own self belief will help you positively develop a healthy relationship with how you see yourself and what you’re capable of. Key for performing at work! 

One reason maintaining self belief is such an enduring task in our lives is because it is built upon three elements of confidence: knowing what we want, having faith in ourselves and feeling we deserve great things. The good news is, by breaking down self belief into mini ‘categories’, you can actively build your own belief in yourself, over time. Here are helpful reflection questions to guide you with this:

• Am I clear on what I want in my career and from my workplace?

• Do I believe I have the skills to create that result for myself, or the people around me to guide me as I figure it out?

• If I was to get what I wanted in my career … will I let it happen? Am I comfortable with my version of success?

Brilliant questions to ponder on. If you’re keen to learn more about defining your own version of success, check out There Has To Be More: The Essential Guide to Personal Growth to step through this process.

Another tip we share in our Present Like A Pro training is to create a mantra for navigating the confidence journey as you find your way doing something new. When Rachel first started Happiness Concierge, she started telling herself: “I am nervous because I’m excited. I’m excited because this is important to me. Because this is important to me: I am going to try my best.” Shifting from judgement to giving herself a pep talk helped her back herself, and keep going through the highs and lows of building something new.

Bringing it all together. 

Take a moment to reflect on your relationship with each of these themes: evidence, validation and self belief. Give yourself a score out of 10 for each (0 = lowest, 10 = highest). 

As you look at your score, reflect on this: what is one small thing I can do today, to increase the score in one of the categories?

At Happiness Concierge, the formula for confidence is centred around encouraging you to take small, safe steps of action. When we take action, we are building efficacy, the belief that we can achieve great things. With achievements and action, comes momentum, results and a healthy relationship with yourself and inner belief system. 

Confidence is a key part of communicating with influence.

Confident communicators have influence, meaning everyone gets what they need. Create confident and influential communicators by bringing this training to your organisation. Learn more.