HC workplace training 50 .jpg

Guides (save)

Guides.

 

Get practical, evidence-based frameworks that work.

 

The Secret To Effective Feedback Conversations.

Great feedback = talking less.

When giving feedback, remember when to stop talking.

 

Plenty of us like to over-engineer feedback conversations.

Perhaps you can relate?

You know you have to give feedback but what to actually say is unclear.

 

In reality, your feedback only needs two sentences.

These are:

  1. Your observation.

  2. The impact of that observation.

Then … you stop talking. You stop talking so you avoid a monologue and instead have a two way conversation.

Here’s what you noticed. Here’s the impact.

Then, hand the mic: what’s their take?

 

Here’s some real life examples from our workshops.

“I’ve noticed you don’t quite seem like yourself. Is everything cool?” (Stop talking).

“You seem hesitant to delegate. It’s on my mind as I worry, if you get sick, or go on holiday, it puts the project at risk. Is that something you think about?” (Stop talking).

“‘Looking back on the project, as you know deadlines got stretched out. From my perspective, I know we can do better, but I don’t know yet how. What do you think?” (Stop talking).

Are these examples giving you ideas on how simple your part in the conversation could be?

 

Why is not talking so important?

Most people stop listening when they feel they won't get a chance to share their perspective.

As a result, they’re more likely to be defensive, as they feel they have to defend their position.

The ‘stop talking’ cue forces you to listen. Meaning, they feel more heard. Meaning, less defensiveness.

  • One way conversation > only you talk = more defensive response.

  • Two way conversation > you talk less = less defensive response.

 

What’s happening biologically.

When someone gives you feedback, your amygdala, the part of your brain responsible for project managing your stress responses, is on alert.

Depending on how comfortable that person is in their position, how tired they are, how prepared they feel, their mood, and how safe they feel in their relationship with you, influences whether they respond defensively.

This can look like: defensiveness, argumentativeness, frustration, walking out, zoning out and justifying actions or behaviour.

Statistically, you are likely to be on the receiving end of defensiveness. Your ‘stop talking’ cue helps lower how much of it you get.

 

The quickest way to de-escalate defensiveness is to hand that person the mic.

What they say might be defensive-jibber-jabber for a bit, but not dissimilar to deflating a balloon, what happens as a result is that you can have a two-way conversation where you’re both listening.

 

If you don’t get a chance to say how you see things, it’s not a feedback conversation.

It’s a lecture.

Feedback is a suggestion, not an order. What that person does with that suggestion has a direct influence on their career. And, it’s their career not yours remember?

 

What could your ‘stop and listen’ cue look like?

Examples:

  • “What’s your take on this?”

  • “I have no idea how to make the workflow better. What would you suggest?”

  • “I don’t have an answer, but can we agree, it’s something to think about?”

Your job is to share the observation and the impact. Hand over the mic. Land on a solution.

What could yours look like?

 

Have you ever done a ‘dump and run’?

A ‘feedback dump and run’ is where you share your feedback, get it off your ‘chest’ and leave the room, relieved your job is done.

A feedback dump and run can cause real damage to the relationship.

When you talk and don’t listen, you’re signalling to you that just one person is important in the relationship. In a healthy, respectful relationship, both parties are important.

Sharing the mic and listening is one of the easiest ways to show it.

 

Your KPI isn’t that you’ve talked.

It’s that they’ve understood. Finding ways to make it a two way conversation helps you check in to see that they see things like you do.

 

Share the burden of solving the problem.

Share your observation and the impact.

Then come up with a solution together.

To reduce single person reliance, or single point of failure, it’s about giving people the opportunity to solve problems. To grow, you need to be given problems to solve.

It removes you from needing to save the day. It empowers them to take action.

 

When you involve people in the problem solving process, you empower them.

The next time you start a feedback conversation, try this:

  • Here is my observation.

  • Here is the impact.

  • Stop talking. Hand the mic. What do you think?

  • End on an agreement.

 

Did you know we teach this in a workshop for workplaces?

It’s fun, practical and people say it gives them confidence to give feedback.

Research tells us that employees perform 3.6x better when they get regular feedback, yet nearly half of leaders avoid giving feedback. This simple framework (observation, then impact, then: stop talking), changes those statistics in your workplace.

The impact? Empowered team members, having frequent, useful, specific, feedback conversations.

 

Could a culture of feedback transform your workplace?

Download an info pack on our workshop for workplaces: Giving & Receiving Feedback for leaders and employees.

Download a free info pack to learn more.