Making A Feedback Agreement.
How do you ‘end’ a feedback conversation?
By making an agreement.
How do you know if your feedback is ‘done’?
Both parties - you and the person you’re giving feedback to - agree.
Sounds easy enough.
So why aren’t more of us doing it?
Most people think if the feedback is ‘said’ … the feedback is done.
That’s because you’re praying the conversation will be over as soon as possible.
Your KPI isn’t that words have been said.
It’s that the person receiving it understands. And, then, knows what to do with that information.
To do that, end your next feedback conversation with an agreement.
An agreement on what they see as the next step, and you agreeing that’s cool.
“But I’m their boss … they need to take the feedback on board.”
Technically, yes. But psychologically, it’s not how people work.
Researchers have discovered what’s more influential over how an team member behaves at work, is the ‘psychological contract’ they have with you as a boss.
A psychological contract is a set of expectations of how you hope your boss and colleagues will behave. It influences how you behave at work, more than your actual written contract.
When you involve your team member in your feedback conversation by a) handing them the mic and b) getting them to opt into a new agreement, you’re creating a psychological contract between you both, where you both get to agree on what you expect.
The result? Increased trust, psychological safety, and over time, research tells us, better performance at work.
“Ok, what’s a ‘feedback agreement?”
It’s 1-2 sentences outlining what you both agree to, as a result of your feedback conversation.
It’s as simple as saying at the end of your feedback conversation: “What are we agreeing to, as a result of this conversation?”
When you both agree the next step is reasonable, you’re good to go.
Who makes the agreement?
If you're the one giving feedback, it’s your job to ask what agreement you can both make at the end of the conversation. You don’t end the convo until you both agree.
If you’re the one getting feedback, and you’re not clear what the feedback is actually about, you can clarify by asking, “What are we agreeing to, as a result of this conversation?”
What are examples of a feedback agreement?
Any agreement where both people agree on the next steps. Those steps could be to:
Come up with a plan.
Come back to this conversation.
Going away to action A, B, C, then coming back to re-discuss.
Agreeing it’s not a big deal and moving on.
Here’s how you’d frame it in a conversation (at the end).
If you were using our feedback framework, you’d say something like:
Observation: “I’ve noticed you don’t seem like yourself.”
Impact: “I’m hesitant to give you more responsibility as a result.”
Hand the mic: “Is everything ok with you?”
Agreement: “What does the next step look like?”
If you were performance managing a team member using this framework, you could say:
Observation: “I noticed the deadline didn’t get met.”
Impact: “This put pressure on the project management team.”
Hand the mic: “What’s going on for you?”
Agreement: “What’s reasonable to expect next time? What can you commit to?”
Pro tip: smaller agreements are more successful than huge behaviour changes.
Pitch a smaller edit, over a big transformation, and see results more quickly.
Why?
People believe they will behave differently immediately. In reality, research has discovered it can take nearly a year for a new habit to stick.
Making an agreement in a development plan.
The 5E’s are useful tools for creating an agreement, when you’re doing a performance review or helping someone create a development plan.
You can ask these questions and have your team member choose one:
Expectations: What expectations can I clarify so you’re more successful?
Education: What skills or courses would help you be more confident with this skill?
Exposure: What relationships, with who, would help?
Experience: What experiences would give you useful context?
Expertise: What specific expertise would give you confidence and a higher success rate? How could we give you access, be it through a course or shadowing a SME?
An agreement is also useful if you haven’t been as clear as you’d hoped.
Most feedback conversations are indirect and nonspecific because people worry about hurting others feelings.
While you might have rehearsed a direct conversation, on the day, you might find yourself dancing around the observation you want to convey.
By ending your conversation with an agreement you get feedback on how clear you’ve been. If you haven’t been clear, that’s useful in itself.
“What if we don’t agree?”
It happens. The main thing to remember is you need to be explicit on two things:
Your non-negotiables (e.g. work expectations, deadlines, scope of work).
Their options.
You don’t need to control what they do next. But as their boss, you do need to be explicit with what you expect and need. What they do with that, is up to them.
Examples of phrases you can use.
If you’re not on the same page, here are a few ways to have that conversation:
“We see things differently. Yet, I do have to do X. What do you want to do next?”
“I respect your decision. As your boss, I have to let you know the next steps …”
“Let's get someone to help us get on the same page.”
Don’t take it personally. Call it what it is, and find a way forward. Remind them you have immovable non-negotiables and they have options.
It’s their career, let them decide what they want to do, educated with options.
Use this agreement idea in any conversation.
When you’re giving an instruction, you get the person receiving it to playback to you what they heard. That helps you figure out if you’ve been clear or not.
When you’re taking an order from a higher up, play back what you understand their request to be. This is called a ‘reverse brief’.
This way everyone is clear on what’s expected of them.
These invisible psychological contracts (expectations) are the secret sauce of healthy working relationships.
Remember, your feedback isn’t an order. It’s a suggestion.
For your team member to be down with it, they need to opt in.
Using an ‘agreement’ at the end of your feedback conversations is one way you can do that.
In our Giving & Receiving Feedback Programme, we teach these lessons.
We cover how to open a feedback conversation, manage defensiveness, and land on an agreement.
The result is that people have more productive feedback conversations.
What could your leaders and individual contributors achieve at work if they got regular, empowering feedback?
Would it change the game on your engagement scores and retention stats?
Giving & Receiving Feedback Programme.
For leaders and individual contributors.