When Networking, Give First, Then Get.

You know what you want to get.

But what can you give?

We teach a workshop on networking to encourage people to network.

We start by asking people why they hate it. They usually say:

• ‘Feels fake.’

• ‘I never have time.’

• ‘Not sure what to say.’

• ‘I hate small talk.’

Sound familiar?

Networking feels disingenuous when you’re not sure why you’re there, right? 

Networking is simply getting to know other people. The starting goal is learning about other people and what they’re up to.

From there, you can start forming an internal checklist. 

Could it be useful or pleasurable to know each other?

If the answer is yes, it’s worth finding ways to build a relationship.

If the answer is no, it’s not worth either of your time.

What do you want to ‘get’ from networking in the first place?

A few examples:

• ‘I’d like to get insights on what being a people leader is like …’

• ‘I’ve never led a team before, would like to speak to other leaders …’

• ‘Change is happening, be good to know about non-advertised roles coming up …’

Challenge yourself to document two things you could get out of networking that could benefit your career.

You know what you want to get. But what can you give?

An influential relationship is one where both parties get value. To do that, you need to give value.

For example, in one analysis of negotiations, it was found people who ‘gave first’ were more successful in negotiations. Why? The other party felt they were sincerely interested in them succeeding.

The reciprocity effect also dictates people are more likely to share resources / time / energy with you if you’ve offered something of value first. Far from transactional, it creates a social norm (for most people) where it feels wrong to not follow suit after someone has been generous to you.

So, what can you give? You’d be surprised how valuable your work experiences are to people who want to ‘get’ intel, just like you. 

Let’s consider what you could ‘give’.

Could you give… your knowledge?

As the saying goes, it’s not whether what you know has value. It’s to who what you know has value. 

What have you done, perhaps hundreds of times? What could you do with zero notice, because it’s such second nature?

Examples:

• ‘I could easily give feedback to …’

• ‘It’d be simple to build a comprehensive report on …’

• ‘It’s zero stress to respond to grumpy customers …’

• ‘Delegating is so straightforward to me …’

Sure it might not rocket science to you, but consider the first time you did it, it was, no? 

Meaning: to someone who wants to ‘get’ that knowledge, you've got valuable intel. 

Could you ‘give’ your experiences?

Everyone has a wild story to tell about a time where their learning zone was stretched.

What was the last major learning curve you had? What did you learn, as a result?

What you've gained is hard won knowledge. 😮‍💨 That’s valuable to someone who’s yet to go through it, or is currently navigating it.

For example:

• Did you ever have to fire someone? What did you do right? Wrong, looking back?

• Did you ever have to give hard feedback? What did you find landed? Didn’t?

• Did you ever get a new boss with a different leadership style?

What do you wish you would have known beforehand? To someone like you, who’s yet to do it, this is valuable intel.

Could you ‘give’ your … vibe?

Sometimes you don’t know you’re bringing valuable vibes until people notice you’re not there.

Interpersonal skills are valuable. Have you ever stopped to reflect on what interpersonal skills come naturally to you?

Examples:

• ‘I notice people tell me their problems as I always have a solution!’

• ‘I’ve been told I’m a good listener.’

• ‘I can make others laugh.’

Remember: easy for you = valuable to someone else who finds it less easy.

Networking can feel bleugh when you’re only thinking of what you want.

Balance the scales of social norms by considering what you can give. By doing so you build your professional credibility and social capital.

You have insights to share with the world. Other people have value to share with you. Find a match, and you have a reciprocally, useful relationship.

A useful relationship is one that can weather bad days, organisational changes, and frustrating business decisions. In an influential (useful) relationship, both people benefit.

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