Introduction To Mentoring.
A mentor is someone who shares their lived experience with you so you can learn from it.
A mentee is the person who learns from the person with that experience.
What is ‘mentoring’?
A mentor is someone who shares their lived experience with you so you can learn from it. A mentee is the person who learns from the person with that experience.
Here are some examples of a mentor and mentee relationship.
A mentor is in a leadership role and you learn lessons from them on how to give team members feedback.
A mentor has the job you want one day and you learn industry specific insights from them.
A mentor works in a different industry to the one you’re in and you’re hoping to learn from them.
How does it work?
You can either have a formal or informal relationship.
In a formal relationship, you’ll approach a mentor (or someone in the organisation you’re a part of will do this for you) to learn a specific skill. This might include meeting 1:1 to discuss a specific skill or topic, over six or twelve months.
In an informal relationship, you’ll approach someone who has experience you value and ask for their feedback or advice. This might be over a coffee, over the phone or via an email conversation.
Both are very valuable to learn from someone else's experience.
In what instance would I need or want a ‘mentor’?
The purpose of a mentor is to learn from them in a specific skill. Here are examples:
I want to learn about entrepreneurship, so I arrange to meet with a business owner who’s in the industry I want to create a business in to learn from them.
I want to get confident in public speaking, so I arrange to interview someone in my workplace who seems really comfortable standing up in front of people on the spot and talks really well in front of crowds.
I want to find out more about what it’s like to be a manager and manage a team, so I arrange to spend some time with a leader I admire to ask them how they got to where they are.
If you are clear on what you want to learn, a mentoring type relationship is good for you.
If you’re not clear, it’s time to figure out what you want before you approach anyone (as it’s only valuable if you are clear about what you want to get out of it).
Thought starters might include:
What have I been given feedback on that I could improve in? (e.g. giving feedback, confident public speaking).
What does my next job look like and who’s doing something cool that I’d love to do in future? (e.g. someone in my workplace or a different role entirely).
What skills do I need to develop to be taken seriously for my next step and who does that really well?
From there you can figure out who might be a good fit to chat to.
What’s in it for the mentor?
For the mentor, it’s an opportunity to distil their experience and share it with someone else. It feels good to share what you’ve learned with others.
In most instances, the mentor volunteers their time (no money is exchanged). In some instances, in more formalised situations, a mentor in high demand might charge for their time.
How do I find a mentor?
If you’re part of a formalised mentoring programme, your organisation will do that for you.
If you’re seeking a mentor independently, outline first what you want to learn (in the below video on structuring your relationship), and then identify who could potentially help you do that. Then outline whether that person is already in your network or not.
For example:
I’ve identified that I want to learn presentation skills, so I need someone who’s confident in public speaking. In my network is someone in my workplace who seems really confident in that, so I could ask them to help me out.
I’ve identified that I want to become a General Manager. It’s not a pathway available at my work, so I’ll ask my friends whether anyone they know is a GM I can chat to about what the role involves.
None of my friends want to get into STEM, and I don’t know anyone in the industry. I’ll have a look online to see what organisations currently do that well and then find the person in the company who might be the recruiter and or someone who hires new people to learn what they look for.
How do I approach a mentor?
By being explicit about what you want to learn, why them and how it will be easy for them. For example:
I am looking to grow my confidence in public speaking. I notice you’re so confident speaking in front of large groups. Would you be open to answering a few questions I have about your experience? It’ll take 30 minutes and we could do it via Zoom or via email.
I am curious about what it takes to become a leader in this business one day. I see your team really admire your leadership and I was wondering if you’d be open to sharing your leadership philosophy with me? If it suits you, we could grab a coffee in the foyer over the next few months.
I have been paired with you as my mentor and I am looking to learn what the industry is like. The questions I have are around what lessons you’ve learned and the one piece of advice you’d have for a newcomer. I look forward to meeting.
The 5 mentoring principles.
If you’re the mentee it’s your job to project manage.
In a mentoring relationship, it’s incumbent on the mentee (the person wanting to learn) to drive the agenda. That means it’s your role, if you’re the one learning, to ‘project manage’ the relationship including arranging to meet up and what you’ll talk about.
Mentors can come from anywhere.
They don’t need to be older or ‘more experienced’, they just need to have expertise you value. They could be a teacher, friend, boss, family members, someone you follow online, a friend of a friend.
It can be formal or informal.
In many instances, a mentor can be someone you phone once a year to have a chat. In others, it’s simply having someone on speed dial you trust. In more formalised situations you might sit with them more often (e.g. each month or quarter) to ask them a series of questions.
It’s a normal conversation that you structure around your questions.
In the actual conversation with your mentor, you have questions to ask them and like a typical conversation, it can be very casual, no need to be overly formal in your conversations.
Mentors are more likely to say yes when you know what you want.
Before you approach a potential mentor, get really clear on what specifically you want to learn from them and how it would benefit your career.