YOU wiLl LEARN
In this course, you’ll learn:
How to provide specific, clear and kind feedback.
A framework for giving feedback
Why you feel defensive when getting feedback
Tips for helping the message land
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KEY CONCEPTS
Why is feedback important?
Feedback is essential for knowing if we’re on the right track or not at work.
For example:
Constructive attention from a manager can be a bigger motivator than any other recognition.
Many employees feel their manager doesn’t have the tools to provide clear guidance or specific feedback.
Many employees would rather leave than open a feedback conversation.
As you can see, having the tools to have a constructive conversation is good for your career and your relationships at work.
Find feedback tricky?
If you are growing your confidence giving feedback, reflect on these ideas:
You can never control how someone responds. The only thing you can control is how you communicate.
Your job is to share an observation. What that person does with that information is theirs to own and reflect upon.
A good feedback conversation includes space to hear how the other person sees things.
You don’t need to have the ‘answers’ to open a conversation.
Feed Forward Framework
Effective feedback helps you take a step forward. This framework helps you to prepare before your feedback conversation.
It has four parts:
Observation - “I’ve noticed…”
Impact - “As a result …”
Stop to check their experience - “What was your experience?”
End on an agreement - “What shall we do?”
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Is it feedback?
When is feedback actually useful?
If the feedback is:
To celebrate a behaviour
To endorse/adapt a behaviour
To help someone achieve a goal
It’s constructive.
If it doesn’t fit into one of those categories, it’s not feedback. It’s your opinion.
Always end on an agreement
Agreeing on the next step forward helps you understand what the next steps are.
Those steps could be:
Coming back to this conversation later.
Agreeing to do something differently.
Agreeing to disagree.
You don’t need to resolve the conversation in the room, but you do need to know what page you’re both on so you can take positive action.
What if you don’t agree?
Your job is to clarify the immovable targets while acknowledging you might see things differently.
If you’re not on the same page, here are a few ways to have that conversation:
“It’s a tricky spot as I see it this way and you have a different view. Yet, we do have to do X Y Z.”
“It sounds like we have different perspectives on this. I have a few ideas of a way forward, perhaps we can swap notes?”
“Perhaps we agree to disagree? It’s important that I document this and you’re welcome to document your perspective, too, so it’s on file.”
“As we aren’t able to find a way forward, let’s get someone to help us get on the same page, or come to an understanding.”
5E’S of agreements
If you’re wondering where to take the conversation, try some of these agreements.
You can ask your colleague which of the 5E’s will help them take a step forward.
This list is useful for any conversion that is focussed on development.
Expectations: Where can I step back? Step in?
Experience: What experience will help you grow?
Expertise: What expertise can I share with you? Are there ways to share your expertise and mentor others?
Exposure: What relationships would lift visibility?
Education: What courses or classes can fill gaps? What coaching or mentoring will help you to shine?
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“What if they get defensive?”
This is more common than you might think. This is biology at play.
When your reaction doesn’t match the severity of a situation at work, you’re under the influence of a biological response.
The amygdala (ah-mig-dah-lah) is the part of the brain that detects threats. When the amygdala perceives a threatening situation, it sends a signal to other parts of our brain to keep us safe. This happens regardless of how actually threatening it might seem in real life.
What happens next is an automatic, physiological, stress response: fight, flight or freeze.
3 quick tips to reduce defensiveness
what’s happening when people get defensive?
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What can you do about it?
Give them support and space.
Remembering most people are trying not to implode when receiving feedback, give them time to settle into the conversation. If at first they’re defensive, give them time to workshop it before they seem more like themselves.
Remember, this might happen after the conversation. That’s why having multiple conversations can be so effective.